by Jenna Brown For most of human history, people have parented and raised their families collaboratively. It wasn’t until recently – the mid-19th century – that families started to be recognizable as what most westerners now think of as “normal.” That is to say, centered around a monogamous marriage, typically between a “mom” and a “dad,” who will usually raise children with little-to-no community support. This model works for some, mostly works for many, and doesn’t work at all for many more. Divorce rates are high, especially in the first few years after having a child. Many parents feel exhausted, depleted, and spread too thin. The demands of parenting – heck, the demands of being human – are unrealistic for most people to take on alone or with just one supporting partner. As people choose to shift away from this model, the visibility of families who take a different approach increases, and we see more people who decide to parent with multiple partners, co-parents, or in community with others. If you are ready and willing to welcome these families into your birth work practice, here are five places to start. Check Your Assumptions You may have moved past heteronormativity and cisnormativity, but what assumptions might you still make about the family structure and relationships of your clients’? The assumption that those building families are in monogamous relationships – and plan to parent in those dyads – is problematic for a number of reasons. It may lead to gaps in care around sexual health history. It does not leave space for single parents. And, it does not leave space for families with more than two co-parents. There are many reasons why someone you are serving may want more than one other co-parent involved in their care relationship with you, and so it is also important not to assume why that might be, should you find yourself working with a family that includes more than two parents. While polyamory or ethical non-monogamy may be a part of the picture for some clients with multiple partners, others may have platonic ties as co-parents. It is also crucial not to assume that any or all of your clients will disclose their relationships to you right away, or at all. So how do you navigate these waters as a birth worker? Ask the Right Questions, and Leave Space for the Answers Consider your process for…
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